TO KILL A LION COMPANIES FOLLOWS METHOD

TO KILL A LION COMPANIES FOLLOWS METHOD
 
Satyam Method:
Hire a lion...
Place him in "QRU"(Bench) for 1 year
Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder
Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion...


Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more...and more ...

TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM's method:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour...
he dies of unemployment...

Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion...

MBT method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain

i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

HCL Method:
  hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :
hire . ..sorry...purchase a lion( HCL   ) ...
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM...change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT...

Patni method:
hire a lion; give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining...



Accenture Method:
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idly,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kan n a d a or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion...

HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die 

 


INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION � ...
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
...................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
............... LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
� ........................................... � .CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG  
................................. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
Give him a mail Id.
He will die receiving stupid mails all day...!!! 

Historic letter to Railways

It is little known that one Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this historic letter to the Sahibganj Divisional Railway Office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi . It was also reproduced under the caption "Travelers' Tales" in the Far Eastern Economic Review.
 
Okhil Babu's letter to the Railway Department was as follows:- 


"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jack fruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with my lotah in one hand and dhoti in the other hand, next when I am fall over and expose all my shockings to man and female women on plateform. It is too much shame shame for me. Then I got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that stupid dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers......."
 

Any guesses why this letter is of historic value?

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It apparently led to the introduction of Toilets on Indian trains.

Saving is Sin and Spending is Virtue

Japanese save a lot. They do not spend much. Also Japan exports far more than it imports. Has an annual trade surplus of over 100 billion. Yet Japanese economy is considered weak, even collapsing.

Americans spend, save little. Also US imports more than it exports. Has an annual trade deficit of over $400 billion. Yet, the American economy is considered strong and trusted to get stronger.

But Where From do Americans Get Money to Spend?

They borrow from Japan, China and even India. Virtually others save for the US to spend. Global savings are mostly invested in US, in dollars.

India itself keeps its foreign currency assets of over $50 billions in US securities. China has sunk over $160 billion in US securities. Japan's stakes in US securities is in trillions.

Result:

The US has taken over $5 trillion from the world. So, as the world saves for the US, Americans spend freely. Today, to keep the US consumption going, that is for the US economy to work, other countries have to remit $180 billion every quarter, which is $2 billion a day, to the US!

A Chinese economist asked a neat question. Who has invested more, US in China, or China in US? The US has invested in China less than half of what china has invested in US.

The same is the case with India. We have invested in US over $50 billion. But the US has invested less than $20 billion in India.

Why the World is After US?

The secret lies in the American spending, that they hardly save. In fact they use their credit cards to spend their future income. That the US spends is what makes it attractive to export to the US. So US imports more than what it exports year after year.

The Result:

The world is dependent on US consumption for its growth. By its deepening culture of consumption, the US has habituated the world to feed on US consumption. But as the US needs money to finance its consumption, the world provides the money.

It's like a shopkeeper providing the money to a customer so that the customer keeps buying from the shop. If the customer will not buy, the shop won't have business, unless the shopkeeper funds him. The US is like the lucky customer. And the world is like the helpless shopkeeper financier.

Who is America's biggest shopkeeper financier? Japan of course. Yet it's Japan which is regarded as weak. Modern economists complain that Japanese do not spend, so they do not grow. To force the Japanese to spend, the Japanese government exerted itself, reduced the savings rates, even charged the savers.

Even then the Japanese did not spend (habits don't change, even with taxes, do they?).. Their traditional postal savings alone is over $1.2 trillions, about three times the Indian GDP. Thus, savings, far from being the strength of Japan, has become its pain.

Hence, What is The Lesson?

That is, a nation cannot grow unless the people spend, not save. Not just spend, but borrow and spend.

Dr. Jagdish Bhagwati, the famous Indian-born economist in the US, told Manmohan Singh that Indians wastefully save.. Ask them to spend, on imported cars and, seriously, even on cosmetics! This will put India on a growth curve. This is one of the reason for MNC's coming down to India, seeing the consumer spending.

'Saving is Sin, and Spending is Virtue.'

But before you follow this neo economics, get some fools to save so that you can borrow from them and spend!!!

Peg after Peg Hilarious Read on

Hi all,

I bet no one can beat this...
One of the most hilarious mails... J




I never take risk while drinking.
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When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking


I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen


I stealthily enter the house


Take out the bottle from my black cupboard 


Gandhiji is looking at me from the photo frame


But still no one is aware of it 


Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink


Quickly enjoy one peg


Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack


Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard


 Gandhijiis giving a smile

.
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.

I peep into the kitchen


Wife is cutting potatoes


No one is aware of what I did 


Becoz I never take a risk
.
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I to my wife : Any news on chopra's daughter's marriage


Wife : Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her .
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.
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard


But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle


I take out the glass from the old rack above sink


Quickly enjoy one peg
.
.
.
.
.

Wash the  bottle and keep it in the sink


Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard


But still no one is aware of what I did 


Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
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.
.

I to Wife : But still I think chopra's daughter's age is not that much


Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse


I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
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I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard


But the cupboard's place has automatically changed


I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink .
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.
. 
Gandhiji laughs loudly


I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash photo & keep it
in the black cupboard .
.
.
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.
.

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove


But still no one is aware of what I did 


Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
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I to Wife: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that


again, I willcut your tongue...!


Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
.
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I take out the bottle from the potatoes


Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg


Wash the sink and keep it over the rack


Wife is giving a smile
.
.
.
.
. 
Gandhiji is still cooking


But still no one is aware of what I did 


Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
.
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I to Wife : (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!


Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
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I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack


Stove is also on the rack


There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside .
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I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink


But none of the horses are aware of what I did 


Becoz Gandhiji never takes a risk .
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Chopra is still cooking


And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing


 BecozI never take...... never take ..... never take what???       I
never
take a potato I think...

Khudos..! Drinkers..!

Wine is Bottled POETRY..

I am a Father

HA!! Father's beware of such sons.....

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. " The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. " The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."